


you are not alone in this.

by j_whirl44



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Loose rules on how druids work idk, Post RQG 174 - Impact, Resurrection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-14
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27008905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/j_whirl44/pseuds/j_whirl44
Summary: Cel watches and hopes with their friends by their side.
Relationships: Zolf Smith & Celiquillithon "Cel" Sidebottom & Commander James Barnes
Comments: 16
Kudos: 30





	you are not alone in this.

The fire is lit in front of them and it is, in theory, letting off heat, but Cel doesn’t feel it. It’s been almost a day now and they finally feel like their hands aren’t shaking, but that’s no comfort.

The bodies, they can’t get the bodies out of their head. The turmoil, the destruction of the ship. It’s all stuck on a loop in their brain and it hasn’t let them sleep or even close their eyes for longer than a few seconds.

They hear the others, working and moving around them. They know they should help, but their mind is telling them that they’d just  _ continue  _ to make things worse so they stay put.

Their eyes drift towards the druids as they gather around the bodies of the people they let die; the bodies of Carter, of Meerk, of _Wilde_ , and of... _Sassraa._ They let out a choked sob as they turn away. Too steady of a hand comes up to their mouth to cover it. They shut their eyes tight, but they’re so dry from staring into the flames that no tears come, even if they want them to.

There’s movement beside them. Footprints in the snow crunch closer. A warm body moves and comes to sit down next to them. Barnes. He doesn’t say anything, but he takes the hand Cel has over their mouth and he grabs it. He brings it down and holds it tight beside them.

Cel wants to flee, wants to be alone, thinks that’s what’s best for everyone, but Barnes holds firm and squeezes gently, and it’s able to keep them at bay if only for a moment. Cel can’t speak, hasn’t been able to since first talking to the druid, who explained what was going to happen.

The woman was clear; they could help, but the likelihood of bringing all four back was slim. Cel had half a mind to argue, to tell them to try harder, but they remember their conversation with Zolf earlier, and if  _ he _ said he wasn’t strong enough, maybe these people weren’t either.

So Cel bit their tongue and gave a nod of understanding because after all the only thing they could give right now is their consent and good will, so they mustered up as much as they could and hoped to any gods that were listening that it was enough.

The druid left and brought back companions and they got to work quickly. The stage seems to be set, and all Cel and the rest of them can do is wait.

Zolf joins them, sitting on their other side. He grabs their free hand with no hesitation. Cel squeezes it hard and he gives a stiff nod.

Hamid and Azu join the fire next. Azu sits in the snow, legs crossed as Hamid all but collapses into her side. Kiko joins them. Earhart’s back keeping watch on the ship. Treating it like her anchor, she hasn’t been more than fifty feet away from it since the crash. It makes sense, because at the end of the day all a captain has is their ship, really. To Barnes’ side, Friedrich and Siggif sit. Neither has really said a word, both look shellshocked.

_ ‘And it’s all my fault,’  _ Cel thinks. They twist their eyes closed again and try to drown out that noise. They focus on their hands, each being held by someone else. Their friends, their...companions.

There’s more shuffling and they open their eyes to see Skraak and the other kobolds approaching the fire. They look nervous and agitated. Skraak looks to Hamid and Cel watches as a moment of anger and compassion pass between them before the kobolds take their seats.

The world is still. Nothing outside this circle exists. Time’s frozen and Cel desperately tries to remember how to breathe. All these people are still alive, but there’s four that aren’t, and depending on how things with their new friends go, that might stay true.

Cel leans onto Barnes and he embraces them, moving their intertwined hands to his lap. He circles his thumb on the back of their hand.

The main druid approaches them all. She raises her hands and looks to Cel, “we are ready,” she says.

Cel nods, “They...she said they’re ready,” Cel repeats to the group. Everyone stiffens at that. No one says anything else. Cel looks back to the woman and gives a nod.

“We will be guided in all things such as this,” she says.

It’s quiet again. Cel doesn’t want to watch but they can’t turn away, can’t even blink.

The druids join hands and there’s a spark of light that escapes them as they do so. It cuts through easily against the dark of the night. It’s white and electric, and under any other circumstance, Cel would find it absolutely breathtaking, but now all they see is the direness of the situation  _ that they caused _ on full, dazzling display.

The sparks shoot up and then they dim. The druids move over the first body. They can’t tell who it is. They all press down, just hovering over their chest. Cel can’t make words of it but they hear the soft, rhythmic chants of something reminiscent to a lullaby their mother hummed to them all that time ago. Tears fall from their face again.

They continue to chant as the sparks around their hands get brighter. Then they pause all movement and the lights move from their hands and shoot inside the body. Everything’s still for far too long.

Then the body moves.

There’s a collective gasp from the party. It’s Wilde. He sits up slowly. They feel both Zolf and Barnes tighten and let out their own joyous sighs of relief at the sight. Cel lets out their own surprised laugh.

The druids break off, one stays with Wilde as he comes to again. The remaining three stand and release each other's hands. They seem to be discussing something and that takes away whatever joy Cel thought they felt at seeing Wilde again.

“We will not be able to save them all,” the voice rings in their head.

Cel tightens their jaw and breathes out their nose. They look to Zolf who’s already looking up at them. He knows it too. They hold eye contact until Cel can’t look at him anymore. They focus back on the fire.

The druids begin again. The light they produce is already dimmer than the last time and Cel’s stomach clenches.

They arrive at another body. This one’s much smaller; it’s clearly Meerk or Sassraa. Cel bites their lip.

_ Sassraa. _

Sassraa was good, Cel knew. Of course they all were, but Cel still thinks of the moment, when she dragged them inside the anti magic cel and basically told everyone else to shut up and do the same. So much trust packed in such a small package, and Cel broke it the moment their body was flung from the ship.

The druids repeat the process, it takes longer, the lights never getting as bright as they did for Wilde, but it’s the same result, it shoots from their hands and into the body.

It takes longer, but the body moves. Cel holds their breath. Sassraa rises up slowly and Cel can’t hold back the strained cry of relief that escapes them. Zolf and Barnes both lean into them and grip their hands tight. Zolf lays his forehead on their shoulder while Barnes buries his face in their hair.

And then that’s it. No more light to give. Meerk and Carter still lay motionless. 

“Carter,” Cel croaks out.

“I know,” Barnes says. He places the faintest kiss on the top of their head. They feel like they’re going to pass out at any moment.

The druids kneel down next to them and say a different prayer. There's a faint blue glow that sparkles above their heads, before that fades out. The druid reaches down and pulls their eyes closed.

Cel sits there now with their mouth open. No one dares to move.

The druid approaches again, “We’re sorry. This is all we could do. We laid the others to rest, cleared their mind of any pain as they pass on,” she says.

“They...they did all they could. Sent...sent, Carter and Meerk,” Cel pauses, focuses, and continues, “sent them off with ease,” they reiterate.

Zolf nods and looks at the druid, “Thank you.”

The woman smiles. It’s ethereal and calm, but there’s a sorrow behind it that Cel knows well. They lock eyes and it’s striking.

She nods and then it hits them. A wave of, something, entering Cel’s head. The screaming. The burning war that’s been raging through for the past twenty hours is calm for a moment, then it returns as just a dull ache. Cel could cry in relief, but they won’t. Not until later.

The druid turns back to her companions and that’s when it’s shown Wilde and Sassraa are on their feet and walking towards the group.

There’s confusion in both their faces as they look around at everyone.

There is no real fanfare. No cheers and hugs. No words of welcome back. Wilde comes and sits next to Zolf. Sassraa joins the other kobolds.

There is no real fanfare, but something burns inside Cel, and it’s the same thing they can see in the other’s faces. It’s something of hope. Relief. There’s signs that this is far from being okay, but two people that were dead are now not, and that has to count for something.

Cel looks over to Meerk and Carter.  _ ‘I’m sorry,’ _ they think. They focus back on everyone else and give a smile that’s halfway genuine.

**Author's Note:**

> so that episode.......huh
> 
> that was a thing that..............happened huh.
> 
> we have to..........wait a whole month for the next one...........huh
> 
> anyways; i just need cel to be okay at all times please just let them be happy I am begging....
> 
> hope you enjoyed? <3


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